Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can text with my tongue
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
