hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
