Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
