true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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