so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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