She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize