if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
