I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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