Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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