What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
