Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
