Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are not precious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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