do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
