Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
