Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
