Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
