my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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