how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
