you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
