I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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