I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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