I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
