dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
