Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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