Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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