I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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