I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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