chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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