You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
