I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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