so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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