Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
