it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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