I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
