I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
