sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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