So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
