my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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