i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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