There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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