It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
