Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
as a side note pls kill me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
