i think my tv is drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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