I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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