i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
