I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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