the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
