If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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