i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
