Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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