bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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