Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
