Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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