apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I touched a dick in church today
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I did not marry a roomba.
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