in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
