I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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