fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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