You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
