Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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