Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
