anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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