Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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