Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
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My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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