I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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