forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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