i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
