Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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