i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
