Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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