it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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