I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
