Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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