She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
