Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
