feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
