This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my shit smells like andre
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
