I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
