Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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